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February2008

 

 

Prince of Peace
Episcopal Church

Children and Families Ministry

 

Speaking a love language…

 

On Valentine’s Day millions of dollars will be spent on people saying, “I love you!”  Their feelings will be said through cards, gifts, dates and numerous other creative ways.  Unfortunately, many of these well intentioned expressions of love will fall uneventfully flat.  The problem with many will not be who the love was expressed to, but rather how the love was expressed.  The best way to say, “I love you” is in the way the receiver wants to hear it.

Every child has been uniquely designed to possess their own personal love language.  It’s the language they understand when it comes to feeling loved.  Discovering and speaking this language is critical to the emotional health of the child.  In his book, “The Five Love Languages of Children”, author and counselor, Gary Chapman explains, “Every child has an emotional love tank.  When a child feels loved, he is much easier to discipline and train.”

There are five basic love languages.  Every person, young and old, needs love spoken to them in all five ways.  But each individual has a primary way they receive and understand love.  Just as a student will study a foreign language in order to communicate effectively in another country, parents need to study the five love languages and learn to speak the appropriate one to their child.

 

 The five love languages are:

·         Quality Time - Quality time is more than mere proximity.  It’s about focusing all the energy on the child. 

·         Gifts – Gifts are symbolic expressions of love.  Gifts are not about the expense, but the thought and even how the gift is presented.

·         Acts of Service – Acts of service are deeds performed without obligation.  They are sacrificial acts that concretely exemplify the love in the heart.

·         Words of Affirmation – Words of affirmation allow the child to hear specifically positive words about herself and encouraging words she can store away until needed.

·         Physical Touch – Physical touch says, “I love you” without using words.  Whether it is a father wrestling in the floor
or a mom holding a sick child, touch
speaks powerfully.

 

This Valentine’s Day give the best gift of all. 
Say “I love you!” in a language they
understand.

 

Ask God:

1.  To give you discernment regarding your child’s love language.

2.  To help you make a daily effort to show your child how much you love them in a way they understand.

3.  To help you model true unconditional love to everyone.

 

Healthy Parenting…

Author Gary Chapman offers five suggestions for determining your child’s primary love language.

 

1.       Observe how your child expresses love to you.  Be aware of those languages that aren’t natural to you.

2.       Observe how your child expresses love to others.  Pay close attention to how your child interacts with children and adults closest to them. 

3.       Listen to what your child requests most often.  Learn to listen “between the lines” to the things your child is requesting, and you may hear the primary love language.

4.       Listen to your child’s most frequent complaints.  Those may fall into a category corresponding with one of the languages.

5.       Give your child a choice between two options.  The love language your child chooses most often may very well be the primary love language.

 

 

 

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails...”

 

I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

 

It is interesting how this verse starts out with the positive of what love “is”, then goes to what love “is not”, and ends once again with what love “is”.  Love can be easy and difficult, and it is important to show our children this lesson.

 

Teachable Moment:

 

On several pieces of paper, write down “easy” and positive scenarios about different things involving love.  Here are a few examples:  a mother kissing a baby, a mom and dad holding hands, a brother sharing a toy with his sister, etc.

Now, write down several “difficult” or negatively perceived scenarios such as:  a dad putting a child in time-out, a mom not allowing her son to go to a concert all of his friends are going to, an older sister not letting her younger sister leave the house in an inappropriate outfit, etc.

Take turns drawing them from a bowl.  As each person picks one and reads it aloud, decide if this shows love or not and why.  Be sure to LISTEN to them and then help them see why even the ones that appear to be “mean” are truly done in love.

 

How well do you know your child?  Do you know what motivates them and what intimidates or hinders them?  Try having fun with your child using some of these questions and learn more about them in the process.

 

1.       What does “love” mean?

 

2.       What are some ways that moms and dads show love?  What are some ways that you can show love?

 

3.       Is love always nice or easy?

 

4.       In what ways do you feel loved in this family?

 

 

 

Healthy Habits:  Teaching responsibility…

Most parents agree that instilling a sense of responsibility in kids is difficult at times.  Learning responsibility is crucial for kids, and the earlier they learn to be responsible, the better.  According to goodcharacter.com, the following are some great reminders for your kids about being responsible:

 

When you agree to do something, do it.  If you let people down, they'll stop believing you. When you follow through on your commitments, people take you seriously.

Answer for your own actions.  Don't make excuses or blame others for what you do. When you take responsibility for your actions you are saying "I am the one who's in charge of my life."

Take care of your own matters.  Don't rely on adults to remind you when you're supposed to be somewhere or what you're supposed to bring.  You take the responsibility.

Be trustworthy.  If somebody trusts you to borrow or take care of something, take care of it.  If somebody tells you something in confidence, keep it to yourself unless it will protect someone.  It's important for people to know they can count on you.

Always use your head.  Think things through and use good judgment. When you use your head you make better choices.  That shows your parents they can trust you.

Don't put things off.  When you have a job to do, do it. Doing things on time helps you take control of your life and shows that you can manage your own affairs.

Remember…it is never too early to start teaching your child to be responsible.  Make sure that your expectations are age appropriate and stick to them.

 


This page is designed to inform and educate parents and is not meant to endorse any product, music, or movie.

Our prayer is that you will make informed decisions on what your student listens to, wears, and sees.

 

Here are a couple of movies your kids may be asking you to see.

                                                                                                 

What’s playing at the movies…

 

Movie:  Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus:
Best of Both Worlds (Disney/Pixar)

Genre:  Musical and performing arts, pop music

Release Date:  February 1, 2008

Cast:  Miley Cyrus, Kenny Ortega, Billy Ray Cyrus

Warnings:  This film is not yet rated.  This concert
film is a 3-D experience that follows Hannah Montana
as she goes on tour.  It is designed to “give fans the
feeling that they’re right in the middle of thousands of
screaming tweens.”

 

Movie: The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything – A Veggie Tales Movie (Universal Pictures)

Genre:  Children’s, animated

Release Date:  January 11, 2008

Cast:  Bob the tomato, Larry the cucumber, and the whole gang

Warnings:  Rated G.  This movie sends a “feel-good” message that anyone can be a hero whether you think you have the makings for one or not.  All it takes is doing what is right.

                            

What music is releasing…

Album:  CD single, “Outta My Head” (Geffen Records)
Artist:  Ashlee Simpson
Warnings:  Has more of a pop sound than her previous rocker image.  Deals with wanting to quit being told what to do and expresses some strong-willed “female power”.

 

 What Games are out Now…

 

Title

Rating/Age: Content

Platform

College Hoops 2K8

E/8+: Straightforward basketball game with incredibly advanced controls.

PS2, PS3, XBOX 360

Rayman: Raving Rabbids 2

E/10+: For cartoon violence, and rude and crude humor involving bodily functions

Wii

Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune

T/14+: For blood, language, mild suggestive themes, use of tobacco, and violence, and lots of cursing

PS3

 

Have a “Family” Valentine’s Day party this year!

 

·    Encourage each family member to make a valentine for each other.  It can be funny, serious, or whatever they can come up with.

 

·    Come together as a family and exchange the valentines.

 

·    Now, as a family, talk about who you could make a Valentine’s Day card(s) for.  If you can’t think of anyone in particular, make some for a local nursing home or for a homeless shelter.

 

·    You can also make some baked goods to include with the cards.

 

·    Take the whole family to deliver the cards and goodies.

 

·    Afterward, discuss with the family all that happened.

 

·    Don’t forget to encourage your children and praise them for being servant hearted and for giving their time.

 

There is no better way
to teach love than to show it!